BEYOND WINTER: The
Irrelevant Essence of An Old Man—
I am re-reading Healthy Aging, by Andrew Weil, MD. In Chapter 17, he talks about “unchanging essence.” [1]
He notes that all of us change as we age. Obviously, our bodies change, but so do our brains and our emotions. We learn new information, get new insights. We are not exactly the same persons today that we were yesterday.
There is, however, an “unchanging essence,” that which has always been and will always be the core of who we are. He gives a whole page of questions to help us determine what that essence is, for we shall age better if we know that personal essence.
It doesn’t take me a whole page to know my essential identity. I am still that little boy who always wanted to be perfect.
I didn’t want to be perfect for bad reasons, so that I could lord my perfection over others. I wanted perfection so that there would be no reason for anyone to criticize me or punish me. Especially, I did not want to have to criticize or punish myself. I wanted to be at-one-ment with God and with myself. I did not want to suffer, either the criticisms of others or the doubts and guilts of myself.
Yes, I wanted everyone to like me, but that is sort of a sub-category of perfection. When I was young, I did not know how hard it is for people to like you when you are perfect.
I learned early that perfection is not possible, but if perfection is your essence, you have to find excuses for your imperfection, because you are still going to try to be true to your essence, still try to be perfect, even when you know you can’t be.
[That’s how essence is: it keeps on trying even when it doesn’t work, even when it knows it doesn’t work.]
There are three excuses we use for not being perfect.
One excuse for imperfection is denial, but that’s never been helpful to me. I can’t claim to be perfect where there is so much evidence to the contrary, especially when there are so many folks willing to point out that evidence.
Another excuse for imperfection is the actions of others. My mother often said, “Look what you made me do!” It’s hard to be perfect when you are causing imperfections even in others.
A third excuse is circumstances. The weather did it. Or society. Or a dog tripped me, or ate it.
Well, there may be more than three excuses. So, you expected me to know them all? I’m not perfect, you know… [Oh, that’s the fourth one—blame others for their expectations.]
John Robert McFarland
1] Weil’s book was pretty good when it was published 20 years ago. He was a pioneer in integrative medicine. I don’t recommend it now, though. He’s not a particularly good writer, and he puts in too much extraneous stuff. Other writers are more up-to-date. However, if you like the food and cooking aspects of health, he’s very much into that.
“The toughest thing about
success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success.” Irving Berlin [Writer’s
Almanac]