AWESOME AT CVS [F, 2-19-21]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter

AWESOME AT CVS             [F, 2-19-21]

 

I just got a text from CVS, saying: “John, you are awesome at managing your prescriptions! Your fill history shows you pick up your prescriptions before you run out of doses. Keep up the good work!”

Being awesome at CVS is like being “hot in Cleveland.” As I remember the TV show of that name, three forty-something women are fleeing Hollywood because they are no longer “hot” there. They have “aged out” of hotness and are leaving LA. Their plane makes an emergency landing in Cleveland. The men there don’t use Hollywood standards. They think that Valerie Bertinelli and Wendy Malik and Jane Leeves are really hot. The women think that’s great and decide to stay, because they are Hot In Cleveland.

You know, if I’m awesome at CVS,  CVS shouldn’t text me just as “John.” It should be “The Rev. Dr. John.” It’s hard to be awesome if you are just in the same category as unidentified dead bodies and long underwear and customers of prostitutes and guys who get their saddles sent home.

However, since I’ve always wanted to do a sitcom on TV, I think the obvious route is “Awesome at CVS,” a series about aging customers who spend their lonely nights hanging out in the Prevagen aisle, showing strangers the proof text that they are awesome, with no success, until one day Sophia Loren walks in…

Hmm, I probably need to update this a little bit, and have someone more current walk in, someone who isn’t older than I am… like Melissa Rauch [AKA, Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski Wolowitz of “The Big Bang Theory”]. Okay, I chose her because she’s the only name I recognize on the list of the Top 10 hottest TV actresses on the GlitzyWorld site [yes, it’s real], but she’s actually first on the list, so that makes me awesome, because I not only get my prescriptions filled before I run out, but I know a hot girl. Sort of.

Guess who the show’s sponsor will be? All that, and walk-in flu shots, too.

So, where would you like to be known as awesome? Might be worth some thinking time.

It got me to consider my obituary. Do you think it would be too ostentatious if it mentions that I was “awesome at CVS?”

John Robert McFarland