THE CHOICE: DEATH FOREVER, OR MORE LIFE [M, 5-3-21]

REFLECTIONS ON FAITH & LIFE FOR THE YEARS OF WINTER

THE CHOICE: DEATH FOREVER, OR MORE LIFE  [M, 5-3-21]

 

My plan of not using words in my final days, so that I can hear the Word without my words getting in its way, does not include talking, just writing, so I talked last week to an old friend. I officiated at her wedding sixty years ago. Her health has deteriorated badly in the last couple of years. She’s home-bound now. “I read a lot,” she said. “Nothing worthwhile. Just trash to pass the time. I see that somebody my age has died, and I get mad. How come they get to go and I don’t? I’m tired. I’m ready to go.”

That happens when our health fails. Sometimes just when we’ve been old for a long time and are getting bored with it all. We’re not sure about what comes next, but we’re getting tired of what is now.

I had a night/day dream this morning, in that first glimmer of consciousness when you’re not sure if you’re awake. I had died, and I was faced with a choice.

I could take death forever. My molecules would be returned to circulation, to become a cicada, or school bus, or maybe a tree. I’ve always thought it would be nice to be a tree. I could just wrap up this life that was called John and that would be the end of it. That seemed okay. It’s been a good life. No need for more.

The other choice was new life. Intriguing. The catch was that it would be the new life I have earned in my old life. Not overly worrisome. I’ve lived decently. Plenty of original sin selfishness, but worked out in minor ways. No egregious sins, like murder or refusing to get vaccinated. Loved as best I could. Tried to be helpful to others. So, I have surely earned a decent new life. Maybe not enough to appear in a Suburu commercial, but at least worthy of Geico motorcycle insurance.

But I’ve been old for a long time, too. I’m tired. The idea of starting over is forbidding. The thought of “forever” is daunting, even though every day I sing the IU fight song that says includes “Never daunted, we never falter, in the battle we’re tried and true…” Well, yes, but in that game, I have to be undaunted for only sixty minutes. Forever? That’s a different game, for sure!

Reminds me of one of my very first sermon illustrations, about eternal life. The young man has gone to his girlfriend’s house for supper. She is a new cook and has fed him an execrable meal. After supper she sits on his lap and says, “Just think. When we’re married, I can feed you like this forever.” He thinks, “Forever?!? I don’t think I can stand this forever.” [Yes, it’s a dated and sexist sermon illustration, but it was just standard stuff in 1956.]

I guess the bottom line is: whatever comes. If it’s all over, if there’s nothing more “when my eyes are closed in death,” that’s okay. It’s fun to think of my molecules getting to do new stuff. If there’s more, though, well, I hope you’re there, too.

John Robert McFarland