NAMING THE DECADES, CONTINUED [R, 10-21-21]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter

In the last column, I gave basic names to each of my decades. Here is a fuller look at what I mean, with the hope that it might be useful to you in naming the chapters of your own life. [If I were a young person, I’d probably use periods of four years—I don’t know what they’d be called—for it is in four-year episodes, such as school, that mark a young person’s journey.]

The Kingdom Years [ages 0-10] because Jesus says one must be like a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The stages of social development in these years include trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs shame/doubt, integrity vs guilt, and industry vs inferiority. A lot of work for a child! I think I “failed” them all. The good news, even for we who fail the work of this decade, is that each time we enter a new development stage [decade?], we have a chance to redo the former stages.

The Yearning Years [ages 10-20], longing for a place to belong. Most of us try on several personae in these years, looking for one that fits us. I knew I loved stories and so assumed I should be a journalist. Then I made the deal with God to become a preacher in exchange for my sister’s life. As the first-grade son of daughter Katie’s friend learned when she told him that girls fart, too, “This changes everything!”

The Learning Years [20-30], learning to be a father and husband and preacher. I revisited the stages of my first decade as my daughters went through the same stages. I was able to learn for myself as I watched them learn, As they grew up, I did, too.

The Adult Years [30-40]. For me, as a campus minister, this decade was years of chaos, with desegregation and Civil Rights and Viet Nam and Kent State and abortion rights. I kept looking around for the adults, waiting for them to bring order to chaos. “Where are the adults when you really need them?” Then I realized that “they” was “us.”

The Running Years [40-50], running faster and longer as a professional as well as a road runner. I first called this decade The Professional Years, for in these years I was in my fullest as a minister and writer. But it was running that kept me sane in these hectic and busy years, so they get the title.

The Cancer Years [50-60]. It started with me. I’m talking about cancer in my family, but Paul Unger blames me for all the dis-ease of our generation. “Everything was going great,” he said, “and then you got cancer, and everything started going sideways.”

            The great thing, though, was we got to live so intensely. We made so many friends in the cancer community. I wrote the book [1], which brought invitations to speak and lead all over the country.

The Family Years [60-80] care-giver for parents, wife, grandchildren, etc. I continued some cancer ministry, and I did several significant interim pastorates, but the real focus was family health. Grandson Joe got cancer. So did Helen. So did both my parents and my brother and younger sister and our older daughter [three times!].

The Soul Years [80…] preparing to die. Life comes full-circle here. Just as the first thing we must learn as children is trust, so the last thing we must learn in order to die successfully is trust. Many people find it helpful in this state to start or renew the disciplines of meditation, contemplation. I have often found it useful to pray and meditate, but I have always been more able to listen for the Holy Spirit in the daily events of life.

Even if you have only a few decades, and the contents of your decades aren’t at all like mine, it might be useful for you to name them. Naming them helps us to understand them and thus accept them as acceptable. As time goes by, you might rename them, realize a particular decade’s work was different than what you thought. I think that naming the decades can be part of soul work, part of listening for the Spirit, at any age.

John Robert McFarland

1] NOW THAT I HAVE CANCER I AM WHOLE: Reflections on Faith and Life for Cancer Patients and Those Who Love Them. [AndrewsMcMeel, plus Czech, Japanese, and audio editions.]