We have friends whose young-adult grandson wants to be referred to as “they,” rather than “he,” because he does not feel like one specific gender. My nephew’s early-teens daughter has changed her name from Sophia to Gray, because she feels Gray suggests empathy with common people more than the sophisticated Sophia does. When did kids begin to think about these things? And are they doing them just to confuse old people?
I’ve always thought “they” should be used only for multiples of “she” and “he.” Otherwise, “they” cause problems, because of what “they” say and “they” did. The amorphous “they” can hide in anonymity and thus get away with anything.
I think we made a big mistake when we gave up ye and thee and thou and thine and went with the all-inclusive “you” and “them.” We already had a bunch of nice nuanced pronouns and gave them up for the convenience of generalities. Now we’re paying the linguistic price for such short-cut convenience.
When I was in college [with “they’s” grandparents] if we had written in comp class a sentence like “They is going…” we would have gotten an F on that essay, because that sort of thing was considered a “Gross Illiteracy.” One GI amounted to an F. There were nine such Gross Illiteracies, I think, including splitting an infinitive. Now everybody writes “To boldly go…” We wouldn’t think of not splitting the infinitive; it doesn’t sound right.
Things have changed. I Googled “gross illiteracy” and found no mentions of such at all. I don’t know how college comp teachers deal with that stuff now, but I know I have to deal with it in an open-minded and accepting way. There is a lot of gender bending and language bending these days. People are trying to figure things out, and that requires trying things out. It’s hard for me to keep up, but that’s my problem. If you want to be a “they” all by yourself, I’ll try to remember that, and not call you a she or a he or an it.
Personally, though, I think that “they” should be reserved for “plural” and that “y’all” should be used in place of “they” for gender specifications. Y’all is perfect. It is both singular and plural and totally inclusive.
If y’all sounds too regional for you, then “youuns” would be a good substitute.
When you use these, just say a silent word of thanks to me for working this out so that everyone is now on the same page.
John Robert McFarland
When I was a child, many decades ago, the use of "they" for an unknown person was already in common usage. And we did not say, "They is." We said, "They are," even when we knew we were only speaking about one person.
ReplyDeleteI assumed the new usage would follow that pattern. I think I will check with Tasha, who is acquainted with more of them than I am.
She says "They are" is proper, "Same as it’s used when talking about a hypothetical person of unknown gender identity."
DeleteI get confused. The address for a transgender person is He/She. Like: He/She Thomas came by to see me yesterday. He and She both came in on body. He/She Tom came by to see me but they didn't stay very long. I sincerely do not know how to address persons who are on the gender spectrum beyond the simple male and female. I have a good friend who is he/she who told me to not worry about it.
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