BEYOND WINTER: The
Irrelevant Musings of An Old Curmudgeon—
We are told that one of the dilemmas of old age is needfulness [not neediness, although that can be a problem, too]. People need to be needed, they say. When we are old, no one needs us anymore. Adult children and social workers seem to think that is a problem.
Some old people, of course, are still needed far too much. There is an amazing number of not just grandparents but great-grandparents who are raising children. Not just caring for them, but full-time rearing, surrogate parents. I have seen those people in action, both as a pastor and in public settings. Did a funeral for one. One of them is a cousin. I stand in awe of them.
Most of us, though, enter a need vacuum as we age, which is why younger people think up so many volunteer opportunities for us. Either that, or they’re trying to get out of work and assume we’ll be gullible enough-because our brains have become mushy with age-to fall for their constant mantra of “You’ve got to stay active, or…” and thus gladly take on burdens from which we’ve worked long and hard to escape.
As a young pastor, I saw retired people as a wonderful source of church volunteers. They were mature, experienced, competent… and unwilling. I railed at them: “Don’t you need to be needed?”
It was retired math
professor Larry Ringenberg who set me straight, as he was declining all my
pleas that he accept a place on one committee or another. He said, “Nothing
good ever happens after midnight or at a committee meeting.”
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Having had a lot of committee meetings and a lot of after-midnight calls from hospitals and police, by the time I retired, I understood.
Personally, I’m past the need to be needed. I’m delighted no one needs me. But if you feel the need to be needed, Helen has a list of chores I can hand on to you.
John Robert McFarland
“I decided that the most
subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my own life and
not be ashamed.” Anne Lamott
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