IQ, PI, and NPD [Sat, 10-18-24]

BEYOND WINTER: The Irrelevant Insights of An Old Man—IQ, PI, and NPD [Sat, 10-18-24]

 

Narcissists live in a world of one. I’ve dealt with quite a few narcissists professionally. They are very simple to read, but difficult to know. We once had a narcissist in the family, though. Since our relationship was familial instead of professional, I got to know him very well, “up close and personal.”

When he wanted to defend his self-indulgence, he would point out that he had a degree from an Ivy League university, and that he could recite a lot of facts about many things. He was intelligent, far more than other people, according to him, and so, automatically, he had to be right. The fact that all he did was to his advantage, regardless of who was disadvantaged, was simply the result of superior intelligence.

He was right about being intelligent. He had a high IQ. Being a narcissist, though, he had no PI, no personal intelligence, no psychological intelligence.

To a narcissist, lying isn’t lying. Hypocrisy isn’t hypocrisy. Logic does not exist. Facts do not exist. Truth is only what he wants it to be. Other people exist only to get him what he wants. There is only one thing in his world, and that is himself. Everyone else and everything else exists only for his use. A narcissist can be quite “intelligent,” but that does not mean he is smart.

Anyone who knows even a little psychology understands that Donald Trump has NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So I really don’t blame Mr. Trump for the wildly inaccurate and immoral things he says and does. Narcissists don’t have a moral compass. Their brains are simply deficient. To blame a narcissist for having a bad brain is like blaming someone born deaf for not hearing.

How do you deal with a narcissist? The usual methods of persuasion—truth, facts, logic—mean nothing to him. You can’t reason with him. He has no shame or embarrassment about lying or hypocrisy or abusive behavior.

The only thing you can do is make him uncomfortable. And show him a way to get comfortable.

By that, I mean personal comfort. The world exists for him. If what he is doing is not getting him what he wants, he will change, not because he thinks his former behavior is wrong, but because it isn’t getting him what he wants.

Just make him uncomfortable when he does wrong and make him comfortable when he does right. Simple, isn’t it? No, because someone with NPD rarely does right, especially if he has enablers who will tell him that wrong is right.

I think that the only way to deal with NPD folks is to say “No” to them. Keep them at a distance from the levers of family and society, so that they can’t pull those levers, since they can’t reach them.

Too late for dealing with Donald Trump, but, at least, he is a cautionary tale for the future…if there is one.

John Robert McFarland

“People who believe in absurdities will eventually commit atrocities.” Voltaire