WATCHMAN, WATCHMAN [F, 3-20-26]

CHRIST IN WINTER: The Irrelevant Time Keeping of An Old Man—WATCHMAN, WATCHMAN [F, 3-20-26]

 

Now, this column has no redeeming value at all. It is simply the follow-up to the 3-12 column entitled It’s Not Simple to Be Simple, the one about my attempt to find a simple wrist watch to replace the complicated watch that keeps changing modes, and which will not acknowledge Daylight Savings Time.                                   

Well, that’s not exactly true, that this column has no redeeming value, because there is a life lesson at the end: If you wish hard enough, your wishes will come true. But you already know that, for you’ve seen “Pinocchio.”

Anyway, fellow Crumble Bum Ron Walker found a simple watch for me, the exact one I needed. The problem is that it was at Amazon, and yes, their delivery is quick, but Helen said I should get a watch with an expansion band, since I’ll probably become senile soon and won’t be able to manage a band that requires getting that little metal tongue into a hole into the leather strap, and I figured I would have to try an expansion band on, to be sure it fits, since I am old and my wrists are now elegant…meaning skinny, which meant actually [shudder, shudder] going into a store.

So I decided that after the Physical Therapy for my balance issue, I would venture across The Great Divide, I-69, to Walmart, where their web site declared that they had the same time device that Ron found on Amazon.

That would have worked better if I had remembered where Walmart is located. It had been several years since I last shopped there. For a huge store, it is very easy to hide. It was none of the places I went for the first few hours.

I’ll note that the war with Iran has nothing to do with the high price of gas. It will soon be $5 per gallon because of all the gas I used in my wandering attempt to find the secretive Walmart.

Once there, though, a little old white-haired lady in a Walmart vest, who must have been 80 [I know her age because she flirted with me, and no woman under 80 does that] helped me find the wrist watch [jewelry] department. Another old lady who must have been 85 helped me find the correct watch.

She took it out of its box so I could try to expansion band. Way too loose! I would have to get a jewelry store to resize it, she said. No way! After all that driving around, I wanted that watch right now. Get me the same thing with a regular band, I said. She did.

It’s a great watch, a simple watch, with a big hand and a little hand, the way we learned to tell time as children. It has a face as big as the full moon. Neighbors can look at it from across our yard and tell what time it is.

The only problem is, the one with the leather band was not exactly like the one with the expansion band. It didn’t have a second hand. I don’t need a second hand, but Helen told me two things when I started this quest: Get a watch that works [some folks would take that for granted], and get one with a second hand.

Okay, to the wishing part. I was disappointed that my new watch did not have a second hand. I didn’t want to admit to Helen that I could did not remember her instructions. I wished and wished that my new watch had a second hand.

Then three days later, as I was strapping my new watch onto my arm, there it was, going smoothly all around the circle: a second hand! I had wished it into being. That’s amazing.

Or, maybe not so amazing. Perhaps the life lesson is not so much about wishing as it is about paying attention. If you get distracted and don’t pay attention to what you’re buying, in a watch or in a politician, all sorts of things will show up later when you least expect them. Yes, I’m going to go with that.

John Robert McFarland