I AM TIRED OF ME T, 3-14-17

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith from the Heart of Winter for the Years of Winter… ©

I AM TIRED OF ME              T, 3-14-17 

I am tired. That is not surprising. Old people get physically tired all the time. Sometimes it is a good tired, like after working in the yard or playing ping-pong with the grandkids. Sometimes it is a weary fatigue from a body that just does not want to work hard anymore. Old people get emotionally tired, too, though, and that is what I am talking about   

I am tired both of change and non-change.

I am tired of change. Every time I find a style of shoe or a type of tool or a line of car that fits me just fine, they stop making it. I am tired of finally learning how to program my VCR or make a call on my cell phone only to learn they don’t even make tapes for the VCR anymore, and my phone is now a combination skunk locator/juicer.

I am tired of non-change. Politicians keep promising to do the right thing, and they keep doing the same old selfish self-serving crap.

I am tired of religious people who keep claiming that they alone know the truth and are righteous and anyone who disagrees is going to hell.

I am tired of financiers and economists who claim the only thing that will make the economy go is deregulation, but when they get deregulation, their greed crashes the system. Then they say that the only thing that will make the economy go is a government bailout.

I am tired because the leaders in politics and business and education and the media never seem to learn anything from history or even their own experience; they make the same mistakes over and over again. I am tired of all the stupidity in the world. I am tired of selfishness and meanness and intolerance.

Mainly, though, I am tired of myself. Dylan Thomas said, “Someone is boring me; I think it’s me.” I know what he meant. I am tired of hearing myself complain about change and non-change.

When we get tired of ourselves, we know it is time to look at things in a different way.

One of the different perspectives old people use is denial. “Oh, the world isn’t so bad. The political and business and education and religion leaders who keep selling out for power and money really mean well. I worked hard all my life and they took away my pension and health care and home equity, but I had a good life.” As my grandmother used to say, Horse Feathers!

Another different perspective is giving up. Have you been to the mall or to church or to the barber shop lately? Then you’ve heard this conversation:

“How are you?”

“Can’t complain. Wouldn’t do any good if I did anyway. Nobody would listen.”

Then there is uneasy laughter.

Frankly, I don’t have a solution for this age-old old-age problem. I know that neither my denial nor my complaining will do any good. I also know I don’t have much time or energy left to work on the world’s problems.

I can’t simply give up, though. I am still alive. I owe the world, and myself, something better than just sitting in my rocker. I can still pray and vote and march and write letters and skip a cup of coffee and give that saved money to a good cause.

I’m tired of complaining and I’m tired of denial and I’m tired of giving up. I’m tired of myself. I guess I’ll have to do something.

JRMcF

johnrobertmcfarland@gmail.com

I tweet as yooper1721.

I am trying to do something about the ridiculously high suicide rate among military veterans. All my royalties from my most recent novel, VETS [all capitals], go to organizations that work on veteran care. It’s a mystery/adventure novel about four homeless Iraqistan veterans accused of murdering a VA doctor. It’s published by Black Opal Books and is available from your local independent book store, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, KOBO, Books-A-Million, Black Opal Books, and almost any place else that sells books. $8.49 or $12.99 for paperback, according to which site you look at, and $3.99 for Kindle.