TWENTY DOLLARS FOR YOUR THOUGHTS [R, 6-11-20]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter

TWENTY DOLLARS FOR YOUR THOUGHTS                                 [R, 6-11-20]

$20 apparently is the inflationary amount of the old penny, the one that people used to offer for your thoughts.

The lab at IU that studies old people was giving out gift cards, worth $20, to old people who would endure an hour’s telephone interview about how we are coping with the isolation of the pandemic. So I pretended to be an old person so I could get the gift card, which I realize is not strictly honest, but Kroger was claiming Helen was a scam artist and wouldn’t let her order groceries, and we needed the card. [I did ask if they had gift cards for Big Red Liquors, but the young man interviewing me said, quite morosely, that such were not available.]

They had the names of all the people I told them--in an interview several months ago--were the friends I hang out with. [I think they were studying memory in old people then, but I’m not sure.] And they asked me if I were now discussing my problems with those friends during the pandemic. They asked specifically about each one, by name. They had taken down only first names last fall, except for Mary Beth, because there are two of them in my life. They gave the 2^nd MB I mentioned the sobriquet of Mary Beth Mo... So the interviewer said, “How about Mary Beth Mo…? Do you talk with her about problems?” I said, “Of course not. The church parking lot is closed.”

I think that confused them a bit, but, you see, it just works out that every time we encounter Mary Beth Mo… in the church parking lot, we start talking about problems. If the weather is good, it can take a long time. She just has a “let’s talk about problems in the parking lot” aura about her.

Our friend, Kathy, has an aura that says to people, “Tell me weird things.” She says it works primarily at highway rest stops. With taxidermists. Who have pictures. Some auras are specialized.

I think it’s important in these pandemic times, even though the parking lot or the rest stop is off limits, to chat with people about problems—theirs or yours, probably both--even if you can’t see their aura. Even if you don’t get a gift card for it. If you don’t know anyone else to talk to, maybe Mary Beth Mo… or Kathy might be available, since I’m not taking up any of their time these days. But, whoever it is, or how isolated and remote they might be, remember that old technology like the telephone still works. Except at my house. I talk about problems only in specific parking lots.

John Robert McFarland