DORIS TRIES TO FORGIVE [F, 2-12-21]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter

DORIS TRIES TO FORGIVE  [F, 2-12-21]

 

Going through old files, I came across this handwritten 4-28-78 letter from a woman I’ll identify only by her first name, Doris.

I always considered the writing I did for publication as part of my ministry. That turned out to be especially true with my writing about cancer, but almost everything I wrote got one or more responses that led to correspondence that extended and continued the pastoral relationship.

“I’m writing to tell you that your week of devotionals in The Upper Room Disciplines has been great.

            I’m going through a lot of emotional and spiritual, as well as physical pain at this time, you’re your articles have meant a lot.

            Tuesday night my sister-in-law’s grandmother was murdered by a 17 year old boy. They don’t know why. All I know is, at this point, I can’t forgive him. Grandma as 89, and he could have stolen what he wanted without hurting her; she couldn’t have stopped him. If he had just knocked her out, it wouldn’t be quite so bad, but he just kept beating her, even after she was dead. Grandma was a Christian and is with the Lord now, but it still hurts. Every time I close my eyes I see her with her head all bashed in and her body battered.

            I know I have to forgive that boy, before I can get any peace, and I can’t do it.

            Thank you again for your devotionals.”

On the envelope, I noted the date I replied to her, but that was before I had a computer or a copy machine, so I have no record or memory of what I said. Whatever I said, I’m sure it wasn’t very helpful. Such anguish can’t be easily dealt with, especially at a distance. Maybe, though, it was more useful than I imagined, for we already had a relationship of sorts established. She was used to reading my words and thinking they were helpful.

The main point of Doris’ letter, though--the reason Jesus talked about forgiveness more than any other subject except money--is that forgiveness is so necessary… and so hard…and so continuing..

 I think we should look at Jesus’ “requirement” that we forgive in the context of that prayer he taught us: “…give us this day, our daily bread. And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

Forgiveness is like bread. It is what we live on. It is not all at once, and done. It is “daily.” Give us our daily forgiveness…

I think of the old woman who said she didn’t have an enemy in the whole world. “You must have done a lot of forgiving.” “No, I outlived all the bastards.”

I don’t know if Doris ever got all the way through to the end of the daily work of forgiving that boy. I know, though, that just outliving everybody is not enough. I still have some forgiving to do. Not huge sins against me, like the sin that boy did to Doris, but things that still rankle. Even though I’ve outlived most of those folks who rankled me, I still have some daily work of forgiving to do.

Maybe you do, too.

Thanks, Doris, for reminding us.

John Robert McFarland