THE INCIDENT AT SHADY REST [F, 8-27-21]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter

THE INCIDENT AT SHADY REST    [F, 8-27-21]

 

As a writer, or a preacher, or a person… when you question if you should tell a particular story, you probably should not. But this is Biblical [See Psalm 18:7] and an almost accurate account of an incident involving my father at his next-to-last nursing home… so don’t blame me!

 

I like to fart the old man said

And as he did his face turned red

Miss Primly almost dropped her crumpet

At the sounding of the trumpet

As tectonic plates went to quaking

And the foundations started shaking

But the children gladly giggled

As in his chair the old man wiggled

After all, it was their teacher who

asked him what he liked to do

 

The Gleaners Class was at Shady Rest

To bring cookies to each feeble guest

To sing a song of Jesus true

And ask them what they like to do

Which was quite clearly a mistake

As the room began to shake and quake

With reverberations loud and rumbly

That caused the cookies to get quite crumbly

 

Miss Primley cried, “Children, out of here,”

But they laughed so loud they could not hear

They pointed at her and made noises farty

Like she herself was the guilty party

For even if a teacher is pure and true

Pointing fingers is what kids do

She ran for the door with a cough and a hack

And to Shady Rest she never went back

 

So if the preacher acts real cool

And says, Would you teach in our Sunday School?

Remember the lesson of Shady Rest

And tell her you think it would be best

If instead you slit your wrists

Or hit your face with doubled fists

But if you’re stupid and if you’re new

At least don’t ask old men what they like to do

 

John Robert McFarland

There was an incident at an annual conference where a dog got in, ran up onto the stage and bit the bishop, then ran down the aisle and bit three lay people on its way out. The usher asked why it bit all those lay folk, and it said, “I just had to get the taste out of my mouth.” If you need to get shed of the taste of this CIW, you can go to glennsreflections.com. It was suggested to me by colleague-in-ministerial-mayhem and friend of CIW, John Shaffer. Glenn’s reflections are not real exciting, but they are righteous, enough to balance the incident at Shady Rest. [Also, he’ll send his columns to you via email if you sign up for them.]