THE NECESSITY OF A DOCTORAL DEGREE [W, 10-30-24]

BEYOND WINTER: Irrelevant Musings of An Old Man—THE NECESSITY OF A DOCTORAL DEGREE [W, 10-30-24]

 

I am showing appreciation to pastors at the close of Pastor Appreciation Month [Can you believe October is almost gone already?] by bestowing a doctoral degree on anyone who has a three-year seminary [school of theology] degree. I am doing this by the authority invested in me by Common Sense.

Ministers are the only professionals who do not receive a doctorate upon completion of three years of specialized graduate work. Scholars get Doctor of Philosophy degrees. Physicians get Doctor of Medicine degrees. Dentists get Doctor of Dental Surgery degrees. Veterinarians receive Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degrees. Lawyers get Doctor of Jurisprudence degrees. Physical therapists get DPT degrees.

Ministers just get Master of Divinity degrees. [1] Anybody else gets a master’s degree for one year of work. If you want a DMin, Doctor of Ministry, you have to do a fourth year.

In my day, we didn’t even get Master’s degrees. I have a BD, Bachelor of Divinity. Four years at university and three years in seminary and two bachelor degrees. Later, when someone pointed out the disparity with other professions, my seminary said that for $20 they would send me a post-it note for my diploma that said they meant for it to be a Master’s. I didn’t have $20, because the job they prepared me for didn’t pay minimum wage, so I still have only two bachelor’s degrees. [Well, also a doctorate from a Godless state university that I did another three years for.]

And they are, of course, right. Preachers should not have doctoral degrees. Seven years of education to be a preacher? Seven days is probably six days too much.

All that education is not necessary for church leadership. Anybody can get up out of the pew and lead a worship service or a funeral. [2] Or ordain, or serve communion, or baptize—according to the denomination. Education for ministry is unnecessary. Superfluous. Maybe even counter-productive.

You really don’t want anybody getting up from the pew and giving you a colonoscopy, or drilling on your teeth, or arguing your case. The people who do that stuff need all that advanced education. But anybody can say, “Let’s all pray together: Our Father…”

So, for Pastor Appreciation Month, if you have a three-year seminary degree, so that you can be called “Doctor” like everybody else, here is your DSK—Doctor of Superfluous Knowledge.

John Robert McFarland

1] A Doctor of Divinity is someone who heals white fudge.

2] You need a chair and a whip for a wedding, but those don’t come with a seminary degree, anyway,