DISAPPOINTMENT [Sat, 12-7-24]

BEYOND WINTER: Irrelevant Musings of An Old Man—DISAPPOINTMENT [Sat, 12-7-24]

 

I was once disappointed by my closest friend. He was also at that time my supervisor. We were in a meeting. I was under fire. He had the authority to do something to help, but he didn’t.

Another person present later said to me, “I felt so sorry for you. I know how close you two are. He had the opportunity to support you, but he didn’t. That must have been so disappointing for you.”

Well, yes, it was, but I assumed there was a good reason for his silence. Maybe he wanted to be supportive but didn’t know how. Perhaps he felt he might make things worse. Maybe he just didn’t understand the situation. Maybe he was so afraid of others there that he was willing to back away from his friend.

Reason or no reason, it was disappointing, but that did not change the way I felt about him, my love for him, my appreciation for him, for I know that if we stay friends only with those who never disappoint us, we’ll have no friends at all.

Sooner or later, disappointment comes with every person, including Jesus. “What a friend we have in Jesus?” Yes, except for the disappointments. Or, more accurately, including the disappointments.

During the “days of rage” on campus, following the killings at Kent State U in 1970, I was so disappointed in my fellow campus ministers. University President Sam Braden, Student Body President and Viet Nam vet Chuck Witte, Dean of Students Dick Hulet and his staff, and I—we were the only ones working the streets at night, literally pushing students away from police, trying to prevent violence and destruction, trying to keep people safe.

At the monthly meeting of the campus ministers, about half a dozen, the others talked about why they had been missing in action. They had lame excuses, and were a bit embarrassed by using them. Except for Fred, the campus minister for a quite large denomination. He said he had gone fishing, adding, self-righteously, “I just got out of town. I wasn’t about to have anything to do with something like that.” I was disappointed in Fred.

The followers of Jesus were disappointed in him, even his inner circle. They had expected a leader who would “restore the Kingdom to Israel.” They wanted a worldly savior. They wanted someone who would bless their worldly success, but the rich young ruler “went away sorrowful.” They were so disappointed that people who had heard him gladly mocked him as he died. “He saved others. Let him save himself.” They wanted a Messiah of power, not one of sacrifice.

This is Advent season. We are looking forward to the coming of Jesus. And we’re going to be disappointed. As my mother in law used to say, “There’s nothing as over as Christmas.”

Jesus still disappoints. Shouldn’t his resurrection mean that now we’ll get the power? That now he’ll tell us that we’re okay the way we are, instead of telling us to turn the other cheek, and go the extra mile, and all that impossible, disappointing stuff?

If you can’t learn to deal with disappointment, even from Jesus, especially in yourself, you’re in the wrong world. So…what can we do?

You keep on loving the ones who disappoint you. And you “take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.” God understands. God is used to disappointment.

 

John Robert McFarland

Happy Birthday to the world’s best mother-in-law; she was never disappointed in me. Georgia Mary Heltzel Karr, however, never forgave the Japanese for making her birthday “…a day that will live in infamy.” She would be 117 years old today.