PERSON COMES FIRST [Sun, 1-25-26]

CHRIST IN WINER: Reflections on Life and Faith for the Years of Winter—PERSON COMES FIRST [Sun, 1-25-26]

 

As this winter blast covers so much of the country with ice and snow and bitter cold, I have been worrying about people who have no shelter. We are regular donors to organizations that work to help homeless people, but… no, wait. One small thing I can do to help them is to call them something that puts their humanity first…

A man I know was recently bereaved. Family came from near and far to spend time with him. After about a day, he called a friend and said, “You’ve got to get me out of here. These people are being too helpful!”

That’s a dilemma for old people. We often need help, but those who give it don’t know when to stop. Sometimes the helping makes things worse…

 

…like when folks help me get into my coat. I know where the arm holes are! It just takes me a while to find them. And it’s good for my back to twist my shoulders like that. Keeps me limber. You’re holding it too high! Why are we in such a hurry, anyway? Yes, CVS has threatened to throw my curmudgeonlenol prescription away if I don’t pick it up soon, but they’ll just send some more “reminder” texts. Chill out! [Do people still say that?]

Well, okay, we do need help sometimes, and good people want to do good things for us. Why is that so hard to work out?

Because any amount of help, regardless of how much it is needed or how well-intentioned it is, reminds us that we are no longer people. Yes, yes, I know; we’re still people, just “differently abled” people now. Big deal! We used to be better abled than you are, you young do-gooders, with your nimble younger-than-eighty bodies!

To those of us who are really old, we aren’t a “people” unless we can do everything we used to do. We don’t want to be reminded that we are now puny and feeble…even when we can’t get our coats on right on a winter day.

Being a writer, you’d think I would have noticed sooner that what we put first says more than what comes after. So now, like others who are ahead of me in sensitivity, I don’t refer to colored people or stupid people or homeless people. That says that their differentiating qualifier is what identifies them, not their membership in the whole, common human race. If you say people of color, or people of stupidity, or people without shelter, you are putting people first, you are emphasizing their common humanness, not their difference.

It’s awkward, but I’m getting used to it, slowly, and trying to find better ways to do it. Of course, it’s not nearly as important to say people who are hungry rather than hungry people, as it is to give them something to eat, but it’s a helpful little reminder. Person always comes first.

I am a person of many years, or a person of the wisdom years, or a person in the years of winter, not an old person. Person always comes first. Remember that as you hold my coat sleeve a little lower…

John Robert McFarland