ANGER II [W, 3-18-26]

CHRIST IN WINTER: The Random Thoughts of An Angry Old Man—ANGER II [W, 3-18-26]

 

Remember the smile on the face of Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Gallaraga when umpire Jim Joyce called the 27^th batter of the June 2^nd , 2010 game “safe” when he was clearly “out,” costing Galarraga a “perfect” game? It would have put the relatively unknown Galarraga into the record books forever. Only 20 other pitchers had ever thrown perfect games. He had a “right” to be mad, didn’t he? Other people, with less “right,” got mad about it. But Galarraga smiled and went back to the mound and pitched to the next batter. Instead of getting mad, he said, “People make mistakes sometimes.”

Umpire Jim Joyce later admitted, after he had seen the tape, that he simply got the call wrong.

Anger comes when we have exhausted all our coping mechanisms. Galarraga had other ways to cope.

Some folks, of course, have very few coping mechanisms. They anger easily. Or their only coping mechanism is suppression, and when that runs out, their anger is explosive. My father had two emotional states: silence and rage. When his anger had steeped long enough in the silence, it broke out in rage.

There are various biblical suggestions for dealing with anger. “Put it away quickly.” “Don’t let it go down on your head.”

The problem with any such suggestion is that it tells you what to do but now how. When I was young, people could still remember The Grange, an organization dedicated to helping farmers, so I was able to use the story in preaching of the two farmers who met on the road. “You coming to the Grange meeting tonight? They’ll teach you how to farm better.” one asked. “No,” said the other, “I already know how to farm better than I am.”

Most of us know better ways to deal with frustration, better ways to cope than anger, but we get angry anyway. It’s easier.

As a pastor I learned about anger in three ways: 1] People got angry at me. 2] I got angry at them. 3] In counseling people, listening to their problems, I saw that at least part of any problem was misplaced anger.

People got angry with me for the silliest reasons, such as “using too many illustrations from sports.” That wasn’t just a criticism, it was anger; the person who said it foamed at the mouth and tried to get me fired. There is a lot of anger in people, for many reasons. If we express anger at people we work with or family members, we have to pay a price, perhaps even lose a job. Anger with a preacher is usually misplaced, but it’s much safer, because s/he is required to be nice to you anyway, and nobody will make you be accountable for that anger.

So much of the anger we see today in politics, on TV, in general incivility, is misplaced. It’s much easier to shake your fist at a politician than at your mother-in-law.

People often choose as anger targets, those who least deserve it, just because they are available. It’s the equivalent of a four-year-old’s tantrum at his mother for refusing to let him play with razor blades and matches.

Bishop Leroy Hodapp and I used to meet in Bloomington, IN for lunch and then go to IU basketball practice. Coach Bob Knight always referred to Leroy as his pastor. Indeed, Leroy had officiated at his second wedding. They were close friends. One day when we went to practice, though, IU was in a bad losing streak.  

Knight was sitting at a table beside the basketball floor. Hodapp went up to him and put his hand on his back and asked him how he was. Knight jumped up and started cursing the bishop in the loud string of invectives that he always used. He was very angry. He jumped up and grabbed his metal folding chair and threw it behind him without looking. It barely missed me. One of Knight’s greatest flaws was that he went to anger first, even if it meant being exceptionally rude to a friend. He related primarily to his own emotions, not to people. Anger always happens when you do that.

Remember Bob Parsons the school bus driver who started the column before this one? He has quoted “I don’t need anger management; I just need for people to stop pissing me off.” And Bob Hammel tells how one day when his daughter, Jane, around 8^th grade, was angry with her mother. He had explained to her that no one but she could make herself angry, that was her choice. One day, though, she called him and said, “Daddy, I know you said no one else could make me mad, but Mother is trying awfully hard.”

Well, you should be angry at me by now, for talking about anger and not providing any alternatives. So I’ll recommend The Enigma of Anger, by Garrett Keizer. I’m prejudiced, because he wrote a nice blurb for the jacket of my book, The Strange Calling. I think he’s an excellent thinker and writer, regardless.

John Robert McFarland