VIOLENCE IN THE HEART [F, 8-14-26]

CHRIST IN WINTER: The Irrelevant Reminiscences of An Impatient Old Man—VIOLENCE IN THE HEART [F, 8-14-26]

 

Now, to be clear, Henry did not suggest that I go with him to help beat up his son-in-law, Clete. It was all my idea.

Henry was in his sixties. He was not a member of my church, but he had come to me for help. I had walked with him through the long, slow death of his wife. So he kept coming back. He said it was to help me through my chemotherapy, but I think it was mostly because he was lonely, and we had become friends. Also, because his son-in-law, Clete, was regularly battering Henry’s daughter, Imogene, and he wanted to know what to do about it.

So, naturally, I said, “Let’s go beat up on him.”

I was in the midst of my reactions week, the 2^nd week of my monthly chemo round, the one when I got all the side effects of chemo. This was before the nice anti-nausea drugs they have now. I should have offered to go throw up on the guy instead of beat up on him.

I was miserable all the time, and I just had no patience with anyone, like Clete, who caused unnecessary misery. Besides, I figured I’d probably die soon. What did it matter if I went to jail?

My suggestion, which was kindly received, but politely declined, did have some drawbacks…

Henry was old. I was weak. Clete was a big guy in his prime. Imogene was a grown woman, almost forty, and probably did not want her father and his friend trying to fight her battles for her. Also, I was a preacher in a small town. A violent preacher would probably have been frowned upon.

If this had been a TV sitcom, we would have gotten into Henry’s rusted-out old Chevy pickup and gone looking for Clete and not found him and ended up drinking in the local bar. But, while the town had several package stores, it did not have a bar, so that would not have worked.

I was saved from my own violence by Henry’s loneliness. He was lovelorn. He had fallen for a younger woman, younger even that Imogene. Karen was a local divorcee, and a member of my church. She often came to me for help with her teen son, Keith.

When Henry turned down my help to beat up on Clete, I realized that he had a much more perilous job in mind for me. He wanted me to help him get in good with Karen. That sobered me up pretty quickly from my thirst for violence

All that stopped, though, when Henry’s mother got sick and he had to move back home to another state to take care of her.

I sometimes wonder what I would have done if Henry had said, “Great. Let’s go beat up on Clete.” Violence is the answer when you think you’re out of other options. You need a friend who says, “Wait. You’ve got other choices.” Sometimes that friend is The Holy Spirit.

Surely I could have found a better way. I was famous for talking to people until they just gave up and said, “Okay, I’ll be good if you’ll just shut up.”

But… Who knows? Chemo brain is a real thing. I was not thinking very well back then. There is violence in all of us. It’s important to recognize it and find a different solution first.

I think it was in the original Father Brown books, not the current PBS series, when Father Brown said that the best thing he could do for the world was to keep one violent man from acting out his anger—the one, as he put it, “…under my own hat.”

I’m still way too judgmental about people who say stupid things, and try stupid solutions for their problems, but not nearly as much as I was before Henry and Clete and Imogene. I’ve learned that there is violence and stupidity in all of us, and that there is also that “prevenient grace” that allows us to make decisions for love.

John Robert McFarland

[All the people are real, but all the names are false.]