LOOKING YOUR AGE [R, 9-21-23]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter—LOOKING YOUR AGE [R, 9-21-23]

 

It’s important when we are old to look decrepit, so that no one gets fooled. Let the wrinkles in the bod, and the coffee spills on the clothes, show. If an old person does not look old, run away fast. Or what passes for fast when we’re old.

Old men are especially susceptible to old women who do not look old. I have seen several of those marriages, old widows and widowers hooking up. Even officiated at a couple of them. “Oh, she is so beautiful. You’d never know she’s as old as I am.” Bad mistake, old man. She looks good because she spends all her time and money on herself. Now she’ll spend all your time and money on herself.

I think especially of two such marriages that went sour quickly, the fathers of friends when I was younger. Bill’s father ended up so afraid of his classy new wife that he locked himself in his room and refused to come out. Bill helped his father get a divorce, in which her children got all of Bill’s mother’s stuff, like her fancy china, which they sold. Bill had to buy it back. Polly’s father refused chemo because he preferred to die than to live with his majestic new wife.

And the number of women who thought they were getting a catch and ended up getting an invalid to care for is out of sight.

So, old women, if you’re single, let those wrinkles and gray hairs show. You don’t want to get stuck with some old man who is stupid enough to want you because you don’t look like who you are.

Old men, if you’re single, leave that same shirt on another day. Or week. You don’t want some old woman who wants you for your looks instead of your money.

If you’re not single… well, that person you’re living with knows what they’ve got already, so no point in dying your hair or changing your shirt.

If you are still young, like under 80, well, just remember the important advice above when you have matured.

Whatever age you are, that’s the age you’re supposed to be right now. So let it show.

John Robert McFarland