BEING WHO WE REALLY ARE [F, 10-20-23]

CHRIST IN WINTER: Reflections on Faith & Life for the Years of Winter—BEING WHO WE REALLY ARE [F, 10-20-23]

 

I have written about this before, but it arises in my memory now because the U of Iowa [UIA] hospital system is seeking to buy the independent Mercy Hospital in Iowa City. Mercy was always a little sister, struggling for acceptance and independence and equality and money. Folks questioned if such a hospital was even necessary, in a town with the UIA Hospitals. After 50 years, Mercy has given up the struggle, sort of. They are willing to sell, and UIA is willing to buy, but there are snags. The sale will go through eventually, though. Things change. [1]

The whole thing reminds me of taking CPE [Clinical Pastoral Education] as part of my PhD work at UIA. I don’t remember why, but occasionally our group of 7 or 8 clergy [all men] would meet at Mercy instead of UIA hospital, even though the CPE was a credit course at UIA and taught by David Belgum, Professor of Religion & Medicine. Two of us were degree candidates at UIA. The others were pastors of local or nearby congregations, doing continuing education.

As I looked at the photo of Mercy in the article in The Daily Iowan about its possible purchase, and presumably sublation into the UIA Hospital, I could pick out the window of the room on the third floor where our group met.

It was from that room that I had hurried to the rest room down the hall when break time had started one day. I had gotten settled into a stall when I heard the rest of the guys coming in together. They were talking about someone with disgust. “Where does he get off with this poor country boy crap, anyway?” “Yeah, he’s smarter than all the rest of us put together.” Etc.

Then something was said that caused me to realize who they were discussing. Me!

I was aghast. How could they think I was being duplicitous? I portrayed myself as a poor ignorant country boy because that’s who I was.

Except, that’s who I had been twenty years before. When I was doing CPE, discussing every day with those peers how to be better pastors, I was an experienced, educated, articulate scholar/preacher. I was holding the group back by not understanding and acknowledging that.

Those colleagues never did know that I overheard them. But they did me such a favor. They showed me that I could not hide behind an identity that was no longer real. As I changed, the way I saw myself, and thus portrayed myself to others, also had to change.

Now, I’m not an experienced, educated, articulate scholar/preacher. That’s okay, because now I do not need to be any of those things. Now I am a forgetful, confused, dysnomic, filter-less old man. That’s okay, too. And sort of fun…

John Robert McFarland

 

1] It has been revealed now that the UIA Hospital bid to buy Mercy was, with the knowledge of all involved, a stalking horse bid. Mercy has been acquired by an investment firm, which paid UIA Hospital a small sum for doing their bid. I do not understand finance!