WHY OLD PEOPLE ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS [F, 8-16-24]

 BEYOND WINTER: Irrelevant Musings of an Old Man—WHY OLD PEOPLE ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS [F, 8-16-24]

 

The quick answer is: we ask questions of young people so they won’t have to listen to us talk about how ancient and decrepit we are…

We have returned from a family reunion. We were able to go because it was held at McCormick’s Creek State Park, only 15 miles from us. Folks came from CA and WA in the West, and FL and Toronto on the East, and “I” states in between, like IA and IN.

As the oldest people there [1], we got tired, but it was a great reunion. Except maybe for the younger people. Yes, the teens and twenties, but also the mid-forty folks.

It is the responsibility of old people in a family not only to tell stories no one has asked to hear, but to ask personal questions of younger people. I asked Joe and Nathan, both in their twenties, if they were troubled by aggressive girls trying to get into their lives. They said, “Not much.” Later I realized that I should have framed the question differently, for “not much” could mean either that they were not approached or that they were not troubled by such feminine efforts.

There is an art to asking old-man questions. You need to read the younger person. Some teens, like Simon, nephew-once-removed, have their lives mapped out and are eager to tell you about it. Others have no idea about the future and don’t want to think about it. In the former, it is your responsibility to listen. With the latter, you must make suggestions in the form of questions. “Have you considered being an astronaut, or a septic tank pumper?”

The forty-year-olds I asked about “midlife crisis.” I think that mid-life crisis is the best thing the psychologists ever thought up. It gives you an excuse for everything. “What do you expect; I’m in mid-life crisis!” I was in it for thirteen years, until Helen told me I wasn’t in it anymore. Now, when I question kids in mid-life, I prefer to call it “midlife evaluation.” They seem to appreciate it. Nephew Dean understood immediately: “I’ve already bought the red sports car,” he said.

That’s a good way to deal with mid-life, but I was going to tell him that you don’t really need a sports car or an affair or a new job. Everything you need to make the evaluation and move on, you already have inside you. You don’t need the exterior stuff. Of course, a red sports car is appropriate at any age.

The main reason, though, that old people need to question young people is so we won’t talk about ourselves--tell them how decrepit we are, how tired we are, how we have no energy, what foods we can’t eat, how close we are to death. That’s okay among ourselves. In fact, it’s really all we have to talk about now. But young people need to be thinking about other stuff.

As a pastor, I listened to so many stories of decrepitude from old people. Old people try to outdo one another with their list of ailments, the number of their surgeries. I understood that. That was their life. I was their pastor. I didn’t mind listening to them. That’s what I was there for. But I felt sorry for them. Their lives seemed to be so small.

Well, yes, our lives are small. Unless we can question young people, and broaden our lives by listening to them, and then praying for them as they face their years of hope.

John Robert McFarland

1] We do not count my older sister, Mary Virginia, for even though she is much, much older than I, she lives on with easy grace.

A REUNION BONUS STORY: One of our Canadian nephews-in-law told this story. He is 98% Irish. In the family, he is Andy, but his name is Andre’ Langevin, pronounced LAHNNg-van, the French way. If you are a business man in Canada, and you have a name like that, people assume you are French. Recently, after some lengthy conversation with another business man, the guy said, “Your English is very good.” Andy replied, “I work at it.”