I receive the obits, by
email, from several newspapers. This morning there was the obit of a woman
whose picture makes her look like a very normal and likeable person. But, “There
will be no services, at her request.”
I understand why they put
in “at her request.” Her family wants to make sure other people don’t think
they are weird, or don’t like her.
I’m always puzzled by
people who “request no services,” and not just because I’ll miss out on the ten
dollar honorarium for doing the service.
Scenario 1 Trying to do a
good thing: Maybe this woman thought there would be a big fight among her
survivors if they all came together in one place, and she wanted to spare them
that. I’ve been in the middle of some of those fights, one very close to
literally so. Thus I applaud her if that is her motivation.
Scenario 2 Trying to do a
bad thing: But maybe she just wants to be mean to her survivors by not allowing
them closure. One of my friends, a coffee shop operator, left the ministry when
a woman came to see him for counseling. She said, “We were at my mother-in-law’s
for Thanksgiving, and she prepared a wonderful meal. We were all sitting at the
table when she brought the turkey in, set it down on the table, sat down at the
end, took a pistol out of her apron pocket, and shot herself in the head.” Talk
about being hostile to your family! [And wondering what they said at her service.]
My friend said, “I figured if I had to deal with that sort of stuff as a
minister, I’d better go to roasting coffee.” I understand. I’ve dealt with too
many of those.
And there are other considerations:
Services are for the
survivors. Shouldn’t they have the right to a service if they want one? Why
should the deceased get to keep making the decisions even after she’s no longer
here?
But shouldn’t we honor the
wishes of the deceased? Isn’t that the loving thing to do?
I don’t know. It shouldn’t
be a problem for my family. It’s okay with me for them to have a service, as
long as they don’t play “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” on the church sound system as
they take off after to go to Red Lobster.
John Robert McFarland
No, the above isn’t
writing; it’s just the fevered musing of a confused mind.
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