THE SECRET OF A LONG MARRIAGE [Sat, 5-30-26]

CHRIST IN WINTER: The Irrelevant Reminiscences of An Old Man—THE SECRET OF A LONG MARRIAGE [Sat, 5-30-26]

 

It was time for our every-five-years high school class reunion. I think it was the one for 35 years. I say “our” reunion, even though it was only I, not Helen, who had been part of that class. Even though she had been valedictorian of her large high school class in Gary, IN, she didn’t really feel a part of it, didn’t identify with it. And she had been to so many of my class reunions, and was so totally accepted by and popular with my classmates, that she said, “If anyone asked me where I went to high school, I’d probably say, ‘Oakland City, Indiana, Class of 1955.’”

Hovey and Sally Hedges had invited Helen and me to spend the week-end with them. Sally said, “Everybody in the class gets so excited when they know you are coming, because you’re not divorced. All the rest of us are divorced, so we know forever vows aren’t forever. But you show that they can be.”

It seems a bit strange, now that we have been married 67 years, that our friends were impressed back then, when we had been married only about half this time.

Sally was Hovey’s third wife, but she always introduced herself as “Hovey’s last wife.” Even put that on her name tag at the reunion banquet. Alas, she was not.

For many folks, once the divorce bowl starts rolling, it’s hard to stop it.

Helen and I are probably among the last long-term marriages, 67 years tomorrow. Marriages are shorter now, not just because of the prevalence of divorce, but also because folks get married later. The birth control pill makes it possible to have sex without marriage, so why rush things?

The biggest reason, though, for divorce and later-life marriage, is this new-fangled idea that both people should be involved in choosing how to decorate a house. Helen says, “I like the old method, where I just did whatever I wanted and you didn’t notice.”

See? Marriage today doesn’t have to be more complicated, even if it’s shorter. The secret to a long marriage is staying out of each other’s way.

John Robert McFarland

“You have to be very fond of men. Very, very fond of them. You have to be fond of them to love them. Otherwise, they’re simply unbearable.” Marguerite Duras.