CHRIST IN WINTER:
Reflections on Faith for the Years of Winter
My son-in-law, Patrick,
had a birthday Friday. That got me to thinking about how he has provided such a
good eulogy. He’ll have more opportunities to add to his resume, but his eulogy
is set, because it is based on character, not achievements.
David Brooks, in his
excellent book The Road to Character, talks
about the difference between resume virtues and eulogy virtues. Those for the
resume are your worldly accomplishments—jobs, awards, honors, etc. Virtues for
your eulogy, what people will say about you when you are dead, are harder to
categorize.
I am intrigued by obituaries
that say, “There will be no memorial service at the request of the deceased.”
It makes me wonder, “How controlling of others was this person in life, to want
to keep controlling even in death?” Are we not allowed to share memories of him
or her at all? Shouldn’t we at least get together and sing “Please don’t talk
about me when I’m gone…?”
Of course, some folks are
hard to eulogize. I recall the pastor who was tasked with the unenviable task
of doing the funeral for the town’s meanest man. He worked and worked and the
best he could come up with was, “At least he wasn’t as bad as his brother.”
Reading Brooks’ book has
got me to thinking about my eulogy and I have realized that maybe I should
request no memorial service myself. I don’t want folks to think they can’t find
anything good to say. My brother is a very nice person, so even that line won’t
work.
When we lived in
Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, I was sure I would freeze to death at any moment,
so I tried writing my own obituary. All the obits up there started with “He
loved the great outdoors.” Personally I prefer to be warm and eat pie, rather
than being cold and eating jerky, so I started my obituary with “He loved the
great indoors.” That’s still true, but now there is a TV sitcom by that name,
and it’s not very funny. I don’t want people to think I love it, or even like
it.
I start the day by
scribbling a poem, whatever comes to mind, to get my creativity going. Then I
read scripture and a real poem by someone like Billy Collins or Elaine
Palencia, and I read from some insightful contemporary author, like Anne Lamott
or Rachel Remen. Or David Brooks. My personal scripture lectionary includes a
history book, a prophet, Psalms, a Gospel, and an epistle. Today Luke 6:32 ff
came up as the Gospel. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to
you…” Jesus ends that passage with, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray
for those who persecute you…”
That was intriguing, for
as I wrote my daily poem, I tried to line it as my obituary, without much
success. I was trying to say, poetically, “He loved his family and his
friends,” and that admonition of Jesus popped into my head, “If you love only
those who love you…” Then here it was in my daily readings, too. Apparently
this bit about loving your enemies is something I need to hear.
JRMcF
johnrobertmcfarland@gmail.com
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